HD Child

I am HD! No, I don't mean high deffination. I realized how depressing I was sounding in my journals, and also on my blogs. I dont get it, I dont have any problems, I dont think... I thought I was a happy child, but writing about my life, well It brings out a side of me that i never even knew I could have... makes me seem horridly depressed, which I don't think I am... Mr. Tharp says It could be something wrong inside. Am I internally rotting away. Is that why I am such a brat. "your actions reflect your heart" If my heart is rotting, Is that why my actions and choices stink like sour milk? Don't know. now it is getting depressing again, ARGH! hehe, I am a pirate! Today I helped paint jumps for my trainer. I kept messing things up! Everyone would get mad at me and make me want to cry. Why am I such a failure? My horse was amazing today. There was even this WeEnglish (Western+English) show going on and there must have been 46.89 trailers and 70 horses! I love my horse so much! So I turned him out in an arena. A girl comes in and starts to ride, WITH HIM LOOSE! I ran and got his halter on. H e was a real champ about the whole thing, it just made me angry. Sorry, You dont care about me, why are you wasting your life reading this? So my conclusion to myself is that I am a happyDepressed child, does that make any sense?

To Have NO Talent

Never written one of these before, ... ... ... ... ... ................... ok, awkward silence part is over. So today I saw that video of that Kid who made the most inspirational videos ever. I was thinking some depressing thoughts. What is my talent?... NOTHING? is that a talent, to have nothing as a talent? I dont know. If I was dying what would people remember me by? The girl who looked like a man when her hair fell out (this is truth, with no hair -or just in general- I look like a man...), what about the worlds most talentless girl. I am ugly, mean, forceful, bratty, the list can go on... I am having such a hard life time rite now! God is my guider though, I just need to lean into his arms a little bit more and trust him to guide my feet. Today my silly horsie was having a hard time when I asked him for a lead change. He bucked a little and started to G-O-!!!!!!!!!!!!! God thankfully gave me the knowledge to sit down, look up, and turn his fuzzy nose to his butt! My horse is a great teacher though, and I love him like crazy! well anyways, it is getting a little late. I just dont know what God has put me on this earth to do. Maybe I give people inspiration not to turn out like me? that would make sense! NIGHT!!!!!!!!